I need to let this out.

1. I think I'm depressed. I'm uncertain because I can still function well. I just refuse to cooperate with myself. Why? I can state possible reasons, but I'm not really sure about anything.

2. I can't motivate myself anymore. I don't see the prize of slimming down, getting higher grades, or finally committing myself in a relationship again. Sometimes it feels like "I was already in that phase and I don't want to go through it again". Most of the times, I'm just too too lazy to create something new in my life. I'm stuck here and I find it terrifyingly comfortable.

3. My environment affects me a lot. Though you've helped me adjust in school, I believe you're also a major factor as to why I end up as a wreck sometimes.

4. You're a control freak and I can't do anything about it, because I turned out becoming like one too.

5. What's with the accent? You sound like a poser. I know deep inside you're still one of us. Or maybe I'm just envious.

6. I wish we can be friends, but I know you will never give me the chance.

7. I want to quit. I need space.

8. If fate favors me, I will marry a web developer/IT geek, our honeymoon will be somewhere in Europe, and we will play around with Flash and CSS for the rest of our lives. Under the moonlight, we will share each other's philosophy.

9. I really wish I'll worry about which company/school should I work for after college, instead of worrying because no job opportunities await me.

10. I think too much that's why I never get things done.

P.S I'll feel better if more people care to read what's happening with me. Maybe that's why it's so depressing. I'm used to treating life as a show. With no one watching, it feels so pointless living for yourself.