This Made Me Blog After Decades

looking all devastated, my long-lost guy friend came up to me out of the blue. he badly needed advice because his girlfriend, who is also my friend, finally chucked him to the bin. i didn't know what to say because i didn't want to sound that i was blaming either one of them for what happened (although i believe, and he admits, that it was more of his fault). so i was dumbfounded for a while, until he saw my scratch notebook, which contains some of the quotes i lifted from my post-breakup fiction books before (haha funny i have such genre). here are some of it:

"Our received wisdom declares that it takes two people to destroy a marriage. But maybe not."

"Every crisis is an opportunity... Every crisis is a chance to be creative, to make yourself over, to become the person you want to be. But if you're nauseated half the time, if you're always exhausted, if every goddamn nerve in your body is dull with pain, it's hard to be creative. It's hard to be imaginative when you're depressed."

"Ours was a courtly love, an attempt to prolong the passion, the aching uncertainty, to maintain romance. This was a love you read in fairy tales. Young love. Timeless love. Immutable and true. And so it was a lie. Romance turns out to be a shallow sea. Romantic love like ours is meat to the flesh of time."

"Nothing begins with so much excitement and hope and pleasure as love, except maybe writing a story. And nothing fails as often, except writing stories. And like a story, love must be troubled to be interesting. We crave love, can't live without its intimacy, though it pains us."

"Do you love her? I've got every logical reason to. For who she is. For our history. All that. What I don't have is an unreasonable desire to love her... I did love her. Let it go... Your grief isn't going to hurt anyone."

...so he read that, and i swear i saw him already verging into tears, until he read this..

"...the way men behaved towards women depended on much more complex psychological factors. It was not a question of moral knowledge,... it was more a matter of confidence in self and sexual integration. A man with a fragile ego, unsure of who he is, would treat a woman as a means of combating his insecurity. A man who knew who he was and who was sure of his sexuality would be sensitive to women's feelings. He would have nothing to prove."

...and he suddenly became all huffy and all ready to pounce my head, until he retreated again and instead looked up to the dark starless sky. then he proclaimed:

"haay... can i just say that's true?"

saludo ako. at least umamin, hehe.

oh how i love today!

SEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMBREEEEEEEAK is here!!! :D now is the time to be merry everyone!

i was hoping i could have all my book and dvd marathon done this semestral break, but unluckily, i can't. my mom's harassing me with all these debut preparations. :( i never really wanted a formal party, but my mom induced me to have one. i knew she'd just stress me to carry out every arrangement immaculately, because my mom's a perfectionist that way. haaaaaay. :(

on the brighter side, i agreed to have this coming out party because, at least, i'd get to see my whole family on that day!! :) :) my uncle and his wife from the states are coming! my relatives from leyte and capiz are coming as weeeeeelll!!! yahooo! :D

and does this spell out more gifts?? haha! *spank tricia*

which reminds me i havent updated my birthday wishlist for a while. but seriously, i just want everyone to come. every single person i invited has been a part of who i am today (sounds too cliche, but true). every single person has somehow contributed to my definition of self. that's why i'm not just gonna celebrate for me, but for everyone as well. :)

but if there's another thing (out of so many things) i am deadly serious about, these are BOOKS!
can anyone suggest me superb books to read? :D

Of debut preparations, overseas possibilities, and mornings.

been busy with debut preparations lately. cotillion practice started last sunday. was really fun, but tiring. or should i say exhausting? it's not a typical ballroom dance presentation... basta.. don't wanna explain much further, just see it for yourself.:D

anyhoo, i saw the blog of my friend just a while ago. in one of her entries, she mentioned that one of our highschool batchmate is leaving for UK next month.

everyone seems to be leaving... before i know it, i'm the only one left here. no, i'm exaggerating. but i hope i get the chance to work abroad someday. i'm not sure yet if i (and my future partner, whoever he is.. uhm babe?) would build our own home overseas, but i do wonder... what kind of life shall my future family get here? yet as of now, i am definitely certain that i don't wanna get into a long-distance relationship someday (unlike some of my friends who are into one)... so i hope wilbert's not gonna leave me, since he'll be graduating first. i just know for myself that i absolutely cannot endure a long-distance relationship. i'm just not that type.

in our english class a while ago, Ms. Sabido asked us what our querencia is. querencia is a spanish word which literally means a part of a bullring where the bull takes its stand. in the essay she read to us, querencia symbolizes ones sanctuary. it maybe anything or anyone that makes you feel at home. it is where, which or who rejuvenates you when you're down. out of all the answers i listed down (because she asked us to write as many as we can), i picked mornings out of it all.

why mornings? because i'm a morning person. mornings give me a sense of hope, since a brand new day has just begun. mornings remind me to forget the past, and to start anew. it leaves me with excitement of what the following hours have in store for me. sunshine clears my sight, and my mind. it takes away all the headache in effect to all of the hurdles of the previous days. it awakes all sorts of memories, and filters which ones should be disposed and which ones should be asked to stay. nevertheless, mornings nudge me of halted setbacks in line. it may never prepare me enough, but i really don't mind.

i have the next morning anyway to make up for whatever losses i might make, and be revitalized once more time.

on cramming

i feel like sleeping. i was net surfing for 7 hours last night, and my eyes are still kinda tired.

i haven't done any of the research i'm supposed to do (sorry pau, tin, and mara... i'll start na later. when are we supposed to report this?) i hate it when i can't pressure myself to do something. i know that we have a theo report and a comm101 longtest coming up, but since it's still not yet near (near=1 to 2 days), i just keep on bumming around. this is just why i both hate and love cramming. i hate it because i know that whatever result i get, i know i could've done better. i love it because i get amaze somehow on how i can finish something in just a quick span of time.

but i should hate it more, shouldn't i? hmmm... let us see why. cramming kills my soul. cramming deprives me of inner peace (haha). cramming takes away some of my dreams. cramming lowers my self-esteem. cramming is the reason why i get not-so-good grades, then i get scolded, then my pagboboyprend (as they say) will be blamed. cramming is so destructive.

please all go to my subconscious so i may be reminded not to procrastinate anymore.

and yeah, my debut's fast approaching and i haven't done anything yet! help...

oh well. better not cram anymore. my life depends on it.

never the same.

seeing my blockmate cry have reminded me of grade school.

unlike many others, i was in my most studious mode way back then. i did abandon my childhood for high grades, and i had lost control of myself along the way. before, as soon as i got home, i would open my bag and start on my homework. i would wake up even extra early during exams (i remember waking up 3 in the morning to study when i was 11!). i'd join every oratorical contest, reading interpretative contest, essay writing contest, etc. with such hard work, i was hoping everything will pay off. it had to anyway, right? however, things never really came my way. there were times i'd still get a line of 8 in my exams... and yes, i did get frustrated over that (ewww, i was such an obsessive-compulsive nerd). there was a time i got 2nd place in an inter-school writing competition, however, there was no reward, not even a certificate! when i got back in school, no one really believed me because i have no proof whatsoever. arrrrgh. and to top it all, my classmates labelled me of everything unpleasant (as i thought so before)--- nerd, geek, dweeb, bookworm.

and how did i survive?

i just cried. heaps. buckets. mountains. ALL THE TIME.

i looked like such a weakling, but they didn't know... crying gave me strength.

then i learned to pray. and things were never, ever the same again.