The Year That Was 2007

It might be a tad late already to post a year-ender post, but I cannot not chronicle how 2007 went for me... because when I get older stuck with a memory like a sieve, I need to remember that this was the year:

...when I first had my 10 megapixel Canon digicam. My batchmates in Comm, especially my blockmate Scott, and my aunt, roused my curiosity in photography. I really did make sure that I get the camera with the best features (there is during that time) without having to strain my mom's wallet.

...when I first competed in an inter-school competition and surprisingly, became a finalist! I decided during the very last minute to join Uniliver's Print Ad competition last year. I can still remember all the stress that competition cost me! Being one of the finalists is already an achievement for me, especially after knowing that I am the only one of the finalists who worked alone (if only Tin were there), while the others were in groups.

...when after the longest time, I first experienced again to spend Valentine's Day without a 'special someone'. Mom bought me a laptop jacket to compensate for the flowers and chocolates I won't be getting that year (and God knows until when?). It was still fun--I celebrated it with my family in an eat-all-you-can place. I gave chocolates and Valentine cards to my friends, Mich and Tin, to express my love for them.:) Oh my, now this reminds me that Happy Single Awareness Day is nearing!

...when I first had my practicum in an advertising agency (Campaigns & Grey) and in the marketing division of SMART Communications. It was more of a privilege for me to have worked in SMART, they trusted me to sit on the job of my 'boss' who went on leave for a month in the States!

...when I finally got the chance to travel abroad! I will never forget Victoria Peak and the endless walking we had in Hong Kong. AND OF COURSE, I will never ever forget my US trip, from arranging all the requirements to acquire a US visa, to the looong hours I was in the plane, to finally stepping in New Jersey and seeing my Uncle and Aunt's beautiful house, to road tripping from there to Maryland, Washington, Boston, and getting inside Harvard and MIT, to my first try of playing in a casino (...just with a slot machine ah! and they gave me a free drink! how dare them think I'm already 21!), to touring around the magnificent New York, to discovering the beauty of the evolution of time through paintings and sculptures in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, to trick or treating with my Uncle's neighbors in Jersey, to ALL THE SHOPPING, to watching my first Broadway musical, to getting lost in Los Angeles, to all the screams I had in Universal Studios, to rallying with the Writers' Guild (haha actually I was just at their back to take their picture), to  seeing such well-toned bodies of cadets in Westpoint, etc, etc.

Traveling abroad made me realize how vast the landscape of the world is, and that I should never just limit myself in staying here in the Phils. Actually, it made me appreciate Filipinos more, upon seeing the contrast of our culture to others'.

...when my friends surprised me for my birthday! It was so sweet of them to actually think that I should celebrate my 20th and a month birthday!! Who wouldn't be surprised?! Even me, the Nancy Drew wannabe, didn't find any clue to it at all!

There's actually more: my dad leaving for work in Dubai, me living away from home for the first time, my immersion in Rizal, Papa Bong's 1st year death anniversary, the numerous  visits I had to the hospital, the social enterprise we built, me being an officer in PEERS, more Philo classes which I ♥, simbang gabi  (dawn masses during Christmas season) in Ateneo, etc, etc.

SO 2007, THANK YOU!! 2008, make sure my list will be longer next year!

Microsoft, I Love You

You impressed me last year by coming up with Microsoft Office 2007. And now, Microsoft Windows Live Writer leaves me speechless. :)

I need to let this out.

1. I think I'm depressed. I'm uncertain because I can still function well. I just refuse to cooperate with myself. Why? I can state possible reasons, but I'm not really sure about anything.

2. I can't motivate myself anymore. I don't see the prize of slimming down, getting higher grades, or finally committing myself in a relationship again. Sometimes it feels like "I was already in that phase and I don't want to go through it again". Most of the times, I'm just too too lazy to create something new in my life. I'm stuck here and I find it terrifyingly comfortable.

3. My environment affects me a lot. Though you've helped me adjust in school, I believe you're also a major factor as to why I end up as a wreck sometimes.

4. You're a control freak and I can't do anything about it, because I turned out becoming like one too.

5. What's with the accent? You sound like a poser. I know deep inside you're still one of us. Or maybe I'm just envious.

6. I wish we can be friends, but I know you will never give me the chance.

7. I want to quit. I need space.

8. If fate favors me, I will marry a web developer/IT geek, our honeymoon will be somewhere in Europe, and we will play around with Flash and CSS for the rest of our lives. Under the moonlight, we will share each other's philosophy.

9. I really wish I'll worry about which company/school should I work for after college, instead of worrying because no job opportunities await me.

10. I think too much that's why I never get things done.

P.S I'll feel better if more people care to read what's happening with me. Maybe that's why it's so depressing. I'm used to treating life as a show. With no one watching, it feels so pointless living for yourself.

Unbelievable

I'm blogging in my P1i!!ü

Vows

Commitment... it determines circumstances rather than being determined. Every commitment involves a promise. Persons making a promise are understood to be making predictions about themselves, they are asserting their firm intentions. They are not merely describing their present state of mind but are binding themselves to a future course." - John C. Haughey, S.J., The Act of Committing to Christ: Freedome and Conscience (from my Theology 151 book)

I can clearly remember Sean Covey emphasizing in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (my how-to-deal-with-puberty guide) the importance of keeping promises to oneself. He says that just like when we break our promises to others, we also lose trust in ourselves when we fail to do stuff we're supposed to do, like when we promise we'll wake up early in the morning to exercise but we always end up putting off our alarm clock, snoozing until we panic as we finally realize it's already lunchtime. Our subconscious mentally notes every failed attempt of doing this and that, that's why the tendency is we reach a point that we already struggle into thinking that we can achieve our tasks/goals, until we doubt we can still make our dreams happen, that we can be who we want to be x years from now.

I'm a victim of this, of disappointing myself very so often, of not being able to set my own standards, of letting circumstances determine who I am. I show everyone I'm happy, I'm carefree, but actually, it seems I'm in a constant battle with myself. I know what I want, I know what I'm good at, but I don't know if I can still cross the line from point A to point B. I don't know if I can resist not to fall into the void outside, or if I don't get stuck at one point and find myself comfortable in not moving anymore.

But what I'm really clueless about is to when did I stop believing. When did the blandness take over? When did I ever lose my appetite for the euphoric feeling of success, of ticking off occasional to-do lists?

. . .

I think it is timely that I ponder upon those New Year resolutions now.

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Anyway, I think I will never get tired of photography and the wonders Photoshop brings.

Once upon a time...