I can clearly remember Sean Covey emphasizing in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (my how-to-deal-with-puberty guide) the importance of keeping promises to oneself. He says that just like when we break our promises to others, we also lose trust in ourselves when we fail to do stuff we're supposed to do, like when we promise we'll wake up early in the morning to exercise but we always end up putting off our alarm clock, snoozing until we panic as we finally realize it's already lunchtime. Our subconscious mentally notes every failed attempt of doing this and that, that's why the tendency is we reach a point that we already struggle into thinking that we can achieve our tasks/goals, until we doubt we can still make our dreams happen, that we can be who we want to be x years from now.
I'm a victim of this, of disappointing myself very so often, of not being able to set my own standards, of letting circumstances determine who I am. I show everyone I'm happy, I'm carefree, but actually, it seems I'm in a constant battle with myself. I know what I want, I know what I'm good at, but I don't know if I can still cross the line from point A to point B. I don't know if I can resist not to fall into the void outside, or if I don't get stuck at one point and find myself comfortable in not moving anymore.
But what I'm really clueless about is to when did I stop believing. When did the blandness take over? When did I ever lose my appetite for the euphoric feeling of success, of ticking off occasional to-do lists?
. . .I think it is timely that I ponder upon those New Year resolutions now.
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Anyway, I think I will never get tired of photography and the wonders Photoshop brings.
Once upon a time...
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