To Be Young Again

It’s amazing how hanging out with a bunch of High School kids made me realize a lot of things.

My sister’s friends were here awhile ago to celebrate her fifteenth birthday. It was my first time to meet them, and right when they entered through our door, I immediately noticed how timid they were as they walked and waved back at me (I greeted them first so they wouldn’t think I’m a snob). I laughed at myself as I remembered that I used to be like that too. When I was in High School, it seemed to me that these college people have some kind of godly aura, which somehow made me adore them. Well, they have already passed the crazy world of puberty stage, have been more or less allowed to date, and have probably already drawn a vivid picture in their minds on what they’re going to do for the next five years or so. Now that I’m in college, I realized that we’re still as clueless as they (now the High School students) are. We may have more pride because our experiences outnumber theirs, but other than that, we still have nothing. We’re still unsure of what we want. Much worse, some of us still do not even know what we need. We may already be geared towards getting a job, but just like them, we still do not know which next step is best to take. Yes, most of us might already be allowed to date, and that would mean a lot during High School, but right now, even if our Theology professor convinces us to already look for marriage partner “potentials”, it has already become (at least for me) the least (see how the least naturally comes twice) of our concerns.

Then one of my sister’s friends, Jam, asked me for an impromptu interview for their Filipino (I’m just guessing) class. I had to answer just one question: Bakit pasaway ang mga Pilipino? I told her to stand by for a little while as I was trying to fish for an untried answer in my already sapped brain. As expected, I ended up giving her a trite response which revolved around the government and the Filipino mentality which tells us that we can get away with everything because the rules can be bent anyway. I was not satisfied with my answer and yet surprisingly, it seemed she was. Then I wondered… how many of my teachers could have felt that way?

After that, High School memories came flashing back when I saw them, obsessed with fixing their hair, in front of the mirror. I think that’s a classic Bedan signature (except for me because I am obsessed with another hair habit haha) because I have never seen anyone whose hair is laid as smoothly as some of my girl classmates’s before. In college, no one even bothers to fix their hair as long as how it took my High School classmates to fix theirs. Come on, how could we even bother to fix our hair now if we couldn’t even bother to get a boyfriend because we’re too busy trying to please our teachers, who may not actually even be sure of themselves either? Haha, funny thought, isn’t it? I hope obsessing over grades would make me someday shake my head too.

Looking at my sister's friends, I realized that I’m still a child searching for answers just like them. Twenty years from now, I will still be as clueless and as afraid, but probably over different matters already, like my kids’s tuition fee, house loan, and the like (but of course, I hope not haha). It has been a popular advice to remain childlike, but won’t we always remain childlike, filled with fear and uncertainty? The only difference is they don’t strike out hope, and we adults (in my case still a semi one) shouldn’t too, for the vague future ahead of us could actually still bring us good bearings too, wherein simple realizations like these could be counted as one.