I used to define myself with the relationships I am in--whether it may be a relationship with my family, my boyfriend, or my friends. I used to love doing things so my parents will approve of me, or so my special someone will still continue to love me, or so that my friends would admire me. My worth was measured on how I measure up to other people's expectations. I used to wake up everyday not knowing what my standards are. I had never really grasped the meaning of enough, for I keep on persisting on what other people want from me. I can only stop only when my limits crash, for there is nothing anymore to hold and protect me.
I have lost love, for myself, to the child lingering within, and to the woman I have become. I have lost love to the fact that I love the day sky than the night, that I love my rice fried, that I never really love fish but vegetables are never a problem, that I love having profound conversations, but I also love to laugh over the most mundane, that I love to read and I love to write, whether my punctuations and grammar are in place or not, that I love dancing alone in my room, that I love exploring new places, that I love my man to be prudent and smart, and that I love dreaming big.
I posted this in a future date with the hopes that I reach this day with a regained love of self, that even if other people's opinions are important, what I would really deem important are the values which my heart clings to. I would live to remind myself that to efficiently deal with others, I have to master dealing with myself first.
5 comments:
i heard somewhere that "there are a million versions of 'you' depending on who get to see you," (labo ba?) haha.. basta i hope you get the idea.. anyway.. that's inevitable -- living up to people's expectations is a sorry existence, but most of us do live like that.. however, to people who see you in the macro p.o.v., you are not just someone who tries to comply with your loved ones' standards.. you're tricia.. simply not a daughter, sister, friend, classmate, or girlfriend. cliche it is, but you're unique, no one else in this world has the exact same beautiful traits that you possess.. you should love yourself so much for that.. :)
dahlia, thanks! thanks for always making me feel special. you know that i wish you see the same for yourself too.
again, thank you.
I can relate.
I wonder how have we become underdogs. As if we are totally dependent to others. It's just sad that we take for granted of ourselves, of our own happiness.
You are not in this world to live up on other's expectations. You deserve to be happy.
Thanks, flora. You deserve to be happy too.
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