on cramming

i feel like sleeping. i was net surfing for 7 hours last night, and my eyes are still kinda tired.

i haven't done any of the research i'm supposed to do (sorry pau, tin, and mara... i'll start na later. when are we supposed to report this?) i hate it when i can't pressure myself to do something. i know that we have a theo report and a comm101 longtest coming up, but since it's still not yet near (near=1 to 2 days), i just keep on bumming around. this is just why i both hate and love cramming. i hate it because i know that whatever result i get, i know i could've done better. i love it because i get amaze somehow on how i can finish something in just a quick span of time.

but i should hate it more, shouldn't i? hmmm... let us see why. cramming kills my soul. cramming deprives me of inner peace (haha). cramming takes away some of my dreams. cramming lowers my self-esteem. cramming is the reason why i get not-so-good grades, then i get scolded, then my pagboboyprend (as they say) will be blamed. cramming is so destructive.

please all go to my subconscious so i may be reminded not to procrastinate anymore.

and yeah, my debut's fast approaching and i haven't done anything yet! help...

oh well. better not cram anymore. my life depends on it.

never the same.

seeing my blockmate cry have reminded me of grade school.

unlike many others, i was in my most studious mode way back then. i did abandon my childhood for high grades, and i had lost control of myself along the way. before, as soon as i got home, i would open my bag and start on my homework. i would wake up even extra early during exams (i remember waking up 3 in the morning to study when i was 11!). i'd join every oratorical contest, reading interpretative contest, essay writing contest, etc. with such hard work, i was hoping everything will pay off. it had to anyway, right? however, things never really came my way. there were times i'd still get a line of 8 in my exams... and yes, i did get frustrated over that (ewww, i was such an obsessive-compulsive nerd). there was a time i got 2nd place in an inter-school writing competition, however, there was no reward, not even a certificate! when i got back in school, no one really believed me because i have no proof whatsoever. arrrrgh. and to top it all, my classmates labelled me of everything unpleasant (as i thought so before)--- nerd, geek, dweeb, bookworm.

and how did i survive?

i just cried. heaps. buckets. mountains. ALL THE TIME.

i looked like such a weakling, but they didn't know... crying gave me strength.

then i learned to pray. and things were never, ever the same again.

8 things i learned for the past 730 days.

last august 20, wilbert and i celebrated our second year anniversary. this was our best year so far, since as almost everyone knows, our first year together was... a struggle. however, i don't regret having been through such a difficult phase, because if you look at it now, our first year together seemed to be a transition to the better things that have come. :D

here's what i learned for the past 2 years:

1: treat your loved one as your bestfriend. open up to him whatever insight, whatever resentment, whatever excitement, whatever feeling. in the long run, romance may fade away, but the deep friendship you have will keep you still.

2: respect him. respect his stand, even if at times, it is conflicting with yours. this was hard for me since I am a self-confessed imperious girlfriend at times (haha). i occasionaly ignore whatever explanation he says when we fight. i will always, always, exert whatever i think/feel/assume is right. however, i end up pissing him off. then i realize that a guy's explanation does make sense somehow (but still not all the time =p), if you try to reach out to his side as well.

3: both of you should plan how to manage your relationship. how do you do this? well for example, we strategize on how to avoid unnecessary conflicts. this is good because we also get to learn about each other more. sometimes talks like this seem to be so Oprah. but hey, if he really loves you, he'd do whatever it takes to compromise right?

4: FORGIVE. this does not just mean you only have to forgive him. forgive yourself also for your weaknesses and shortcomings. then you can forgive him for his.

5: give sufficient input to your relationship. input = your time, or any extra effort. sufficient means just enough, and make sure "enough" doesn't meddle with all your other priorities in life. if you prioritize your relationship above anything else, trust me... you'd end up losing yourself.

6: in an argument, most girls want to talk it away, while most guys opt for silence first. before, whenever either i or he gets mad, i would always insist that we talk on the phone right away. then i would regularly get mad even more because he would usually not get my point. then a much more heated argument will occur. that's why right now, whenever we fight, both of us choose to be silent first (to think), then we both decide to talk.

7: it is okay to tell him what you want. guys do want to see their girl happy (since it boosts their pride, hehe.), but what frustrates them is that they don't seem to know how. before, i was wondering why he hasn't given me flowers yet, to think that we're more than a year already. then i opened it up to him. then he told me that he thought i dislike flowers since it's not something i could keep. i said, "no, it's okay. it's sweet." =p the following day, he showed up in our doorstep carrying a bouquet of flowers! :D the technique on this is you have to make sure you don't sound so demanding. just enlighten his mind, because trust me, most guys are so clueless.

8: and lastly, CELEBRATE. monthsaries and anniversaries are just reminders of how long you've been through. the CELEBRATION is meant for every single day you share together. celebrate on what you have, and be happy. LOVE doesn't have to exhaust you... because LOVE is truly the greatest feeling in the world.. :D :D

here's a scrapbook he made for me. he contacted my friends to write a message as well. for those who wrote, thank you! *hug*