To Be Young Again

It’s amazing how hanging out with a bunch of High School kids made me realize a lot of things.

My sister’s friends were here awhile ago to celebrate her fifteenth birthday. It was my first time to meet them, and right when they entered through our door, I immediately noticed how timid they were as they walked and waved back at me (I greeted them first so they wouldn’t think I’m a snob). I laughed at myself as I remembered that I used to be like that too. When I was in High School, it seemed to me that these college people have some kind of godly aura, which somehow made me adore them. Well, they have already passed the crazy world of puberty stage, have been more or less allowed to date, and have probably already drawn a vivid picture in their minds on what they’re going to do for the next five years or so. Now that I’m in college, I realized that we’re still as clueless as they (now the High School students) are. We may have more pride because our experiences outnumber theirs, but other than that, we still have nothing. We’re still unsure of what we want. Much worse, some of us still do not even know what we need. We may already be geared towards getting a job, but just like them, we still do not know which next step is best to take. Yes, most of us might already be allowed to date, and that would mean a lot during High School, but right now, even if our Theology professor convinces us to already look for marriage partner “potentials”, it has already become (at least for me) the least (see how the least naturally comes twice) of our concerns.

Then one of my sister’s friends, Jam, asked me for an impromptu interview for their Filipino (I’m just guessing) class. I had to answer just one question: Bakit pasaway ang mga Pilipino? I told her to stand by for a little while as I was trying to fish for an untried answer in my already sapped brain. As expected, I ended up giving her a trite response which revolved around the government and the Filipino mentality which tells us that we can get away with everything because the rules can be bent anyway. I was not satisfied with my answer and yet surprisingly, it seemed she was. Then I wondered… how many of my teachers could have felt that way?

After that, High School memories came flashing back when I saw them, obsessed with fixing their hair, in front of the mirror. I think that’s a classic Bedan signature (except for me because I am obsessed with another hair habit haha) because I have never seen anyone whose hair is laid as smoothly as some of my girl classmates’s before. In college, no one even bothers to fix their hair as long as how it took my High School classmates to fix theirs. Come on, how could we even bother to fix our hair now if we couldn’t even bother to get a boyfriend because we’re too busy trying to please our teachers, who may not actually even be sure of themselves either? Haha, funny thought, isn’t it? I hope obsessing over grades would make me someday shake my head too.

Looking at my sister's friends, I realized that I’m still a child searching for answers just like them. Twenty years from now, I will still be as clueless and as afraid, but probably over different matters already, like my kids’s tuition fee, house loan, and the like (but of course, I hope not haha). It has been a popular advice to remain childlike, but won’t we always remain childlike, filled with fear and uncertainty? The only difference is they don’t strike out hope, and we adults (in my case still a semi one) shouldn’t too, for the vague future ahead of us could actually still bring us good bearings too, wherein simple realizations like these could be counted as one.

Paralyzed

I realize I'm the type of person who finds it more difficult dealing with beginnings than with endings. Endings discharge me of the pressing weight of an experience; beginnings leave me with uncertainty. Endings gives me the opportunity to assess the situation so by the time I begin again, I know that I know better.

But proving that I know better demands a lot of willpower and tenacity, that's why beginnings startle me. It usually frightens me that I may not actually end up doing better than before.

Maybe this could explain why I cram my work most of the time. Mediocre History test results should have taught me a lesson, but here I go again, anticipating another let-down. I was eager to pull it through weeks before the test, but as usual, pressure overtook me and before I knew it, I was cramming again.

It's a daft equation. I am pressured of not ending up better (and the thought of not doing so paralyzes me) but I still end up just the same, and since life always gives second chances, I keep on doing the same thing. I learn, but I persist on doing nothing. When will I learn from doing nothing? I have forgotten that beginnings normally should spark even just a lil a bit of hope.

No More Too Lengthy But Few Posts

I admire those who can update their blogs regularly. To blog once a week is an achievement for me. I don't know if I am just too busy, or it's just that they can manage their time so effectively. Me thinks it's the latter one.

So from now I WILL blog more often, but to do so, I have to forsake my "verbosity tendencies". I also have to STOP writing under pressure as if this will be graded by some scrupulous professor. I have written x number of academic papers; blogging should be just my release. So warning, this isn't my writing in the best form. Don't screw me, haha.

But I will make sure I communicate my thoughts the best way I can, as often as I can. This is why I see the importance of blogging. It is a "free" way (because my parents pay the Internet bill) of sharing one's world to others, even if they come from countries I may not be able to visit 'til I die. When some lost stranger in the net reads even just a line on this page, an acknowledgement is already made—there's another person who has proof in his or head that I exist!

Anyway, I think I can justify why I haven't been blogging the past month. Yes, I have been busy, but it's not just that. I have been embarking on new experiences, and by these I could blaze that my New Year has started right after all. Why? It's because…

1. Our team won in Uniliver's Lovapalooza Contest!! 3 of our entries got in the Top 10, and guess one which one is whose? MIIIIINE!!! It was truly breathtaking to see my work displayed in public. But I hate the venue. Temple Bar was all crammed up that I wasn't able to take a picture of my displayed work.
2. Ateneo Job Fair. We were too busy taking our shifts and at the same time submitting our resumes.
3. My resume (PRACTICUM THIS SUMMER!!!)
4. Project Head of ACOMM (Association of Communication Majors) Resume Shuttle. I'm in charge of taking care of my batchmates's resumes. And why shuttle? Because I'll be the one submitting them to selected companies too. Whew, goooodbye gas!
5. I'm running for either President or Public Relations Head of PEERS (Peer Counselors). Mtg de avance was last Friday. Went out fine. But I think I was too focused on PR.
6. Another ad contest coming up. Due date is this February 12. Ateneo should bag this one again.
7. Jo's Surprise Farewell Party. This was last Saturday in her house. We coordinated with her classmates. We had problems while planning, but when we saw how thankful she and her family were, we knew it was all worth it.

Lucky 7, huh? I guess I'm bordering on a lengthy post again. Goodbye for now.

So Much Has Happened I Can Only Explain in Pictures and Descriptions

I am so happy because:

I finally have my camera!! (Forgive me, I just woke up in that picture)

It's a Canon Powershot A640, with rotating flip lcd, 10 megapixels, etc, etc. Isn't it pretty? (or should I say handsome?) :) I so love my uncle. He even bought me rechargeable batteries and a charger, which can also be used in the car.

I am also really happy because:
Tin is back from the States! She was actually the one who brought my camera home. My uncle and her uncle live 10 minutes away from each other in Jersey! Keeeewl! :) Now when I go there, at least I already have someone to hang around with (given that she's also there).

After our IMC (Integrated Marketing Communications) class yesterday, Tin, Mich, and I decided to eat at Juggies in Katipunan.

While waiting for our food to be served, we asked Tin to share how her vacation in the States went.


She told us that it is actually fun to live there, that it's not actually so tiring even if they don't have maids there, etc etc. Lately, I have been pondering if I'm going to take my Masters in the States and work there at the same time after I finish my degree here... Now knowing what Tin told us, plus the fact that she will head over there after college, I have become even more convinced to go.

But no matter what, Mich wouldn't want to live in any country but the Philippines.

She will make sure she'll end up a billionaire so she can bring her family to the States (or any other country for that matter) for their vacation trips.

She actually has a point! But I'm not going to do it the same way. Given our economic situation, I doubt if I will become a billionaire by the time I reach 30. I think it would be better if I marry someone who is already a billionaire (hahahaha!). Magpapakahirap ka pa, eh may shortcut naman! Hehehe.

Then, our meals arrived:

Mine is beef salpicao (not so yummy; actually a bit rubbery):


Mich immediately devoured on her sisig (her favorite!). Unfortunately, it wasn't yummy too.


I wasn't able to take a picture of Tin and her also-not-so-yummy spicy chicken. But even if our stomachs weren't satisfied (we didn't finish the whole thing), we still couldn't help but smile at the camera before leaving.


And then we went to Tin's dorm so she could give us our pasalubongs (yey!).

First, she showed us her PostSecret book (I AM SO ENVIOUS!!!).


She gave Mich a pack of Bath & Body Works (which smells so good!) and me, a beautiful journal!!!! :) :)

I love it because it has quotes inside. I can also replace the picture of that blondie kid with mine. My sister actually told me that people wouldn't really want to read my journal if they see my picture on it, hehe.

Then, I already went home and took some shots along the way:



I remember asking Scott (who is a photographer talaga) how to shoot people without them knowing. He told me just to take a shot of them quickly. Most of the time, they don't even know that a shot of them is being taken. Then I told him, "Eh ang hirap kung ang guwapo noong kinukunan mo eh." (It's hard if your subject is handsome). He just laughed!

And then this morning, I went back to jogging again!



Would you believe nuns live there??

And this is what I love about jogging every morning:

Waiting for sunrise :)



For the rest of the week, I was really busy in school. I had my History reporting and Philo orals. I also joined UP JMA'S Lovapalooza Print Ad Contest! :)

Mich, and her boyfriend, JP are my models :)

It's an inter-org contest among schools from UP, Ateneo, DLSU, and UST. The winner will get a P10,000 cash prize plus his/her ad might be used for Close-Up's event this February. :) I am not really booting for myself to win because I only found out about the contest last weekend, to think that UP JMA already announced the contest at around November last year. Nevertheless, I still joined. It will be good for my portfolio and resume :). But I'm proud of my "crammed" work, hehehe.



The write-up:

Celebrating Love

Taken part by scores of couple kissing, some even horridly, Close-Up’s Lovapalooza event has generated a number of disagreeing remarks. With traditional values still prevalent in the country, it couldn’t be helped that some people could not just imagine the thought of couples kissing in public, especially due to our culture’s belief that kissing is a private activity. A lot of Filipinos are faced with misconceptions, and so through these print ads, the designer is trying to open our culture’s heart to what really is behind the gesture of a kiss.

When we see couples kissing in movies, it is a common reaction of Filipino parents to tell their kids, “Oh, cover your eyes”. Our subconscious has often associated kisses to lust; hence the reaction. We have forgotten that kissing is actually a gesture of love.

But then another problem appears: we also have misconceptions on love. We have thought that love is only about flowers and the tingling sensation it brings. We have failed to see that love is all about the growth it allows between two people. In addition, most of us are not aware of love’s premise, which is all about having confidence in one’s self so he or she can effectively support the other.

So behind a kiss is love. That being so, the designer captured moments wherein love can be truly seen. These moments are to be emphasized, for without it, we will not be able to grasp the beauty of a kiss. It can also be said that the moments behind the kiss are more important than the kiss itself, for the kiss only serves as a culmination of these moments and of the love two people share.

That is why it is just right that in Lovapalooza, we kiss, because what else are we celebrating, but love.


This coming Saturday is the awarding night at Temple Bar in Greenbelt 3. Because of the contest, I have also made some Peyups friends, and I am glad I will be meeting them on Saturday. :) Peyups people are so nice! :)

We also went to Campaigns & Grey this Friday. I PROMISE YOU. I AM GOING TO WORK THERE. :)

Third Domingo, a Creative Director in JimBasic (where my other uncle works), is featured today in Inquirer. He's so beautiful (gwapo with a big heart). I ♥ advertising guys! That's why I so love my course, hehehe. :)

EDIT: Pahabol! This video is so hilarious! It's Mich, trying to be a pre-school teacher, with me and Jo, her students :)

Teacher Mich and her Students.MOV

Could it be nothing guy and I will study together tom! Eeeek! Is dees it? Hahaha :)

My New Year Isn't Starting Out Right

Reminiscing the past 365 days and looking forward to the unwritten days ahead are a common ritual so to welcome the New Year. I’ve seen it everywhere—the thank yous, the wishes, the apologies—in blogs, in text messages, heck, even in YouTube. Having considered my 2006 as one of the freshest (me out fresh from an almost 3-year relationship, encountering fresh experiences, acquiring a fresh outlook on life, refreshing friendships), I was actually really excited to make a nostalgic year-ender entry.

But when the phone had to ring, and I had to hear my uncle’s glum voice from the other line, it dawned on me that there is still something wrong. Stammering, he shelled out to me the bad news: my digital camera (both my birthday and Christmas present) is still not arriving. My uncle lives in New Jersey (where my camera is $200 cheaper) and his sister-in-law, who was vacationing in California, was supposed to bring home with her my new camera. For months, I have been anticipating for that day, when my camera and I are to meet face to face; but due to some conflict, it had to be put on ice for some more.

So right now you might probably be asking yourself, has she become that shallow? It only took the delay of her camera’s arrival for her to be suddenly disheartened?

It is upsetting to hear that I have to wait a few more weeks to finally bag my camera. But if I was able to mindlessly wait for it for months, how could a few weeks even hurt? Being camera-less on the first day of the new year didn’t really upset me, instead, it made me realize what else I was missing.

Reminiscing the past 365 days and looking forward to the year ahead were a ritual this person and I shared. It was already the 1st of January, and it struck me, that person was not there with me anymore to capture it… and there is no assurance of delays to even keep me waiting.