Of debut preparations, overseas possibilities, and mornings.

been busy with debut preparations lately. cotillion practice started last sunday. was really fun, but tiring. or should i say exhausting? it's not a typical ballroom dance presentation... basta.. don't wanna explain much further, just see it for yourself.:D

anyhoo, i saw the blog of my friend just a while ago. in one of her entries, she mentioned that one of our highschool batchmate is leaving for UK next month.

everyone seems to be leaving... before i know it, i'm the only one left here. no, i'm exaggerating. but i hope i get the chance to work abroad someday. i'm not sure yet if i (and my future partner, whoever he is.. uhm babe?) would build our own home overseas, but i do wonder... what kind of life shall my future family get here? yet as of now, i am definitely certain that i don't wanna get into a long-distance relationship someday (unlike some of my friends who are into one)... so i hope wilbert's not gonna leave me, since he'll be graduating first. i just know for myself that i absolutely cannot endure a long-distance relationship. i'm just not that type.

in our english class a while ago, Ms. Sabido asked us what our querencia is. querencia is a spanish word which literally means a part of a bullring where the bull takes its stand. in the essay she read to us, querencia symbolizes ones sanctuary. it maybe anything or anyone that makes you feel at home. it is where, which or who rejuvenates you when you're down. out of all the answers i listed down (because she asked us to write as many as we can), i picked mornings out of it all.

why mornings? because i'm a morning person. mornings give me a sense of hope, since a brand new day has just begun. mornings remind me to forget the past, and to start anew. it leaves me with excitement of what the following hours have in store for me. sunshine clears my sight, and my mind. it takes away all the headache in effect to all of the hurdles of the previous days. it awakes all sorts of memories, and filters which ones should be disposed and which ones should be asked to stay. nevertheless, mornings nudge me of halted setbacks in line. it may never prepare me enough, but i really don't mind.

i have the next morning anyway to make up for whatever losses i might make, and be revitalized once more time.

on cramming

i feel like sleeping. i was net surfing for 7 hours last night, and my eyes are still kinda tired.

i haven't done any of the research i'm supposed to do (sorry pau, tin, and mara... i'll start na later. when are we supposed to report this?) i hate it when i can't pressure myself to do something. i know that we have a theo report and a comm101 longtest coming up, but since it's still not yet near (near=1 to 2 days), i just keep on bumming around. this is just why i both hate and love cramming. i hate it because i know that whatever result i get, i know i could've done better. i love it because i get amaze somehow on how i can finish something in just a quick span of time.

but i should hate it more, shouldn't i? hmmm... let us see why. cramming kills my soul. cramming deprives me of inner peace (haha). cramming takes away some of my dreams. cramming lowers my self-esteem. cramming is the reason why i get not-so-good grades, then i get scolded, then my pagboboyprend (as they say) will be blamed. cramming is so destructive.

please all go to my subconscious so i may be reminded not to procrastinate anymore.

and yeah, my debut's fast approaching and i haven't done anything yet! help...

oh well. better not cram anymore. my life depends on it.

never the same.

seeing my blockmate cry have reminded me of grade school.

unlike many others, i was in my most studious mode way back then. i did abandon my childhood for high grades, and i had lost control of myself along the way. before, as soon as i got home, i would open my bag and start on my homework. i would wake up even extra early during exams (i remember waking up 3 in the morning to study when i was 11!). i'd join every oratorical contest, reading interpretative contest, essay writing contest, etc. with such hard work, i was hoping everything will pay off. it had to anyway, right? however, things never really came my way. there were times i'd still get a line of 8 in my exams... and yes, i did get frustrated over that (ewww, i was such an obsessive-compulsive nerd). there was a time i got 2nd place in an inter-school writing competition, however, there was no reward, not even a certificate! when i got back in school, no one really believed me because i have no proof whatsoever. arrrrgh. and to top it all, my classmates labelled me of everything unpleasant (as i thought so before)--- nerd, geek, dweeb, bookworm.

and how did i survive?

i just cried. heaps. buckets. mountains. ALL THE TIME.

i looked like such a weakling, but they didn't know... crying gave me strength.

then i learned to pray. and things were never, ever the same again.

8 things i learned for the past 730 days.

last august 20, wilbert and i celebrated our second year anniversary. this was our best year so far, since as almost everyone knows, our first year together was... a struggle. however, i don't regret having been through such a difficult phase, because if you look at it now, our first year together seemed to be a transition to the better things that have come. :D

here's what i learned for the past 2 years:

1: treat your loved one as your bestfriend. open up to him whatever insight, whatever resentment, whatever excitement, whatever feeling. in the long run, romance may fade away, but the deep friendship you have will keep you still.

2: respect him. respect his stand, even if at times, it is conflicting with yours. this was hard for me since I am a self-confessed imperious girlfriend at times (haha). i occasionaly ignore whatever explanation he says when we fight. i will always, always, exert whatever i think/feel/assume is right. however, i end up pissing him off. then i realize that a guy's explanation does make sense somehow (but still not all the time =p), if you try to reach out to his side as well.

3: both of you should plan how to manage your relationship. how do you do this? well for example, we strategize on how to avoid unnecessary conflicts. this is good because we also get to learn about each other more. sometimes talks like this seem to be so Oprah. but hey, if he really loves you, he'd do whatever it takes to compromise right?

4: FORGIVE. this does not just mean you only have to forgive him. forgive yourself also for your weaknesses and shortcomings. then you can forgive him for his.

5: give sufficient input to your relationship. input = your time, or any extra effort. sufficient means just enough, and make sure "enough" doesn't meddle with all your other priorities in life. if you prioritize your relationship above anything else, trust me... you'd end up losing yourself.

6: in an argument, most girls want to talk it away, while most guys opt for silence first. before, whenever either i or he gets mad, i would always insist that we talk on the phone right away. then i would regularly get mad even more because he would usually not get my point. then a much more heated argument will occur. that's why right now, whenever we fight, both of us choose to be silent first (to think), then we both decide to talk.

7: it is okay to tell him what you want. guys do want to see their girl happy (since it boosts their pride, hehe.), but what frustrates them is that they don't seem to know how. before, i was wondering why he hasn't given me flowers yet, to think that we're more than a year already. then i opened it up to him. then he told me that he thought i dislike flowers since it's not something i could keep. i said, "no, it's okay. it's sweet." =p the following day, he showed up in our doorstep carrying a bouquet of flowers! :D the technique on this is you have to make sure you don't sound so demanding. just enlighten his mind, because trust me, most guys are so clueless.

8: and lastly, CELEBRATE. monthsaries and anniversaries are just reminders of how long you've been through. the CELEBRATION is meant for every single day you share together. celebrate on what you have, and be happy. LOVE doesn't have to exhaust you... because LOVE is truly the greatest feeling in the world.. :D :D

here's a scrapbook he made for me. he contacted my friends to write a message as well. for those who wrote, thank you! *hug*

june 05

my treasure trove. find out what makes me rich aside from mom and dad.


this man has been a special part of my life for more than three years now (counting also the year when we were still getting to know each other). the great thing about our relationship does not only count the love we have for each other but also the profound friendship we share. how lucky have i gotten to have a man i love and my bestfriend all in one?

i definitely miss my tropa! they are the best barkada in the world. the top picture... that's agnes, me and besh. agnes is the baby of the tropa. why? well just because. :D besh is, well, my bestfriend! she's one of the persons who means the world to me. i love her so much. the girl i am with at the left-below picture is myx. she's the brains of the tropa! in fact, she graduated as veledictorian of the batch. she now studies in up diliman and because i am just a few minutes away from her, we get to have lunch every now and then! at the center is a picture of mon and besh. they have been together for like foooorrreever. no one has and can ever break them apart. mon is the clown of the tropa, and of course, our only man! haha. next to it is a picture of me and spice. you would never have a dull moment with her because she will always entertain you with her kwentos. and why call her spice? because i'm her sugar! hahaha. i love you, guys!

kuya's getting married already next year! he is an epitome of a perfect gentleman. ate merryl is really lucky! ate ne is like my sister. we always hang out together. she's always there for me whenever i need someone to save my neck. donsky on the other hand is like my kabarkada. we are of the same age that's why we can easily relate to each other. he is my ever loving chaperone! haha! love you also, guys!

KATKAT! isn't she adorable??? she's my cousin and at the same time my inaanak. she always makes my day.

sheeennny. we have known each other since birth. among my friends, she is the only one who really knows me inside and out. we have a lot in common that we consider each other as "sister soulmates". aside from besh, she is also my bestfriend. am i so lucky? luvyah also shen!

meet ina and kuya. ina knows me completely for i always rant to her whatever happens to my day. if she's not my sister, i'd also consider her as my bestfriend. i'm so happy now that we already share a room! :D kuya is younger than me, but i call him as such because he seems to be the kuya i have always longed for yet i never get to have. i would never replace these two persons if i were asked to. i am so lucky to have them!

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June 07, 2005

4:25 PM

i just took a bath and finally, my brain's starting to get out of its dead zone. i woke up early this morning with the conviction that i will do my taebo, but as usual, i didn't. i just ate my breakfast and teased my sister of going to school while i have the whole day by myself at home. as soon as she left, i plopped myself on the bed and finished reading Mike Gayle's My Legendary Girlfriend (moderately nice, but the turn of events wasn't laid very well). after finishing the novel (and seeing that my parents already went off for work), i rushed to my parents room where this magical personal computer rests. i disturbed its quiet sleep and have never allowed it to slack off until this very moment. poor computer. you might be so fed up with me already.
this is what i hate when nothing takes charge of my time (no freakin' paper, no freakin' math quiz, no freakin' report). but i don't mean i want those time-killing, suffocating schoolwork (who'd want it badly anyway?). it's just that i really find it hard controlling my time. i want to do a lot of things and i have so many plans, but only a few seems to get done. maybe because it has something to do with my perfectionistic attitude. i take too much time doing something because i want it to be genuinely the best (like i take too much time blogging and making testimonials for my friends at friendster!), however, some things i have to attend to never gets the chance to churn out even a one percent result. i like filling my organizer with a day to day schedule, but never in my whole life was i able to really follow it. i guess i have to work on that, huh? maybe having a routine would do me good.
these are the stuff i wanna finish, but i haven't started yet:
*finish the Harry Potter series before HP6 gets out (i have never been a fan of HP, but for the sake of reading, i know it won't do me any harm)
*finish all the Luanne Rice's novels we have here at home
*finish Nicholas Spark's The Rescue
*finish all the novels i bought at Booksale
whoa, there's so much to read!
*submit an article to Koinonia (because i have long promised tita belle i will submit one)
*submit an article to the Youngblood section the Inquirer
now where should i start?

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1:39 PM

ive been infront of the pc the whole morning. im too lazy to write now.

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